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I Can’t Find Myself

“Though short, it takes us on a rich journey of the senses and leaves a profound impression on the audience, conveying the truth that dementia touches us in body, soul and spirit, and not just in mind. The film packs an emotional punch: it does not hide the pain and distress that can be caused, but offers hope in showing glimpses of the warmth and connection that remain. I Can’t Find Myself is multi-layered, skillfully using several art forms to spark reflection on many levels, enabling exploration of the complex facets of life with dementia”. 
Julia Burton Jones, Dementia Pathfinders


Promo Poster front low res


I Can’t Find Myself  is another new international collaboration between the creative feminist duo – Beatrice Allegranti and Jill Halstead. This short film (12 mins 26 secs), explores the experience of dementia. The aim of the film is to create a wider understanding of people living with dementia and how engagement with the entangled relationship between dance and music can enhance kinaesthetic and affective responses – not only for those who live with dementia but also, crucially, for their carers.

Following Allegranti’s established creative methodology, the film and soundscore is based on collaborative fieldwork and interviews – undertaken in the UK and in Norway – with people who live with dementia and their carers – from a variety of cultural backgrounds. Through the use of dance theatre and music, the film takes the audience on one woman’s powerful and evocative journey highlighting the emotional, kinaesthethic and sonic world of memory, love and loss.

International screenings tour to arts venues and festivals and specifically target  people employed in services that impact on people with dementia (e.g. care home and domiciliary care staff, trainee mental health nurses, emergency services staff, hospital A&E staff, retail providers). See below for a list of screenings to date.


ICFM day2-87-38


A three minute edited version of the longer 12 min film can be viewed here.


Directed & Produced by: Beatrice Allegranti

Co-Producer: Neil Max Emmanuel

Music: Jill Halstead

Conceived & Choreographed by: Beatrice Allegranti

Cast: Sarah Lam (actor); Luke Birch (dancer); Layla Smith (dancer); Geoffery Unkovich (dancer); Aneta Zwierzynska (dancer)

Director of Photography: Rami Bartholdy

Film Editor: Arturo Calvete

Costume and Set Design: Samantha Dowson

Hair and Make up: Maxine Hughes

Production Photography: Sarah Lam, Joanne Jennard, Jason Read

Interviews: Beatrice Allegranti

Transcription: Abbie Carter

Graphics and Design: NCreative

Project Manager: Barbara Christians





Funding: University of Roehampton, Department of Psychology and Centre for Arts Therapies Research UK; The University of Bergen, Grieg Academy of Music; University of Manchester; University of Leeds, School of Healthcare.

Partnerships: The Alzheimer’s Society UK; Nettverket Musikk og Eldre (Network for Music and the Elderly), Norway; Age Concern UK; Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra;University of Manchester; University of Leeds, School of Healthcare; The National Theatre;  London; Orange Tree Theatre, Richmond; Dementia Pathfinders; Olympic Studios Cinema, London; Bergen International Festival, Purple Angel Dementia.

Screenings (2016-date): Olympic Studios Cinema, London (premier); Bergen International Festival; Alzheimer’s Society UK; St George’s NHS Trust; Hampton Hill Theatre; Dementia Pathfinders Margaret Butterworth Awards Ceremony; Dementia Action Alliance AGM; Merton Arts Space; Alexandra Palace; Centre for Arts Therapies Research, University of Roehampton; Open Senses Festival; Babel in Bloom at St Augustines Tower; Undisciplining Music Symposium, Bergen; Embodying Social Justice Conference with Counsellors and Psychotherapists for Social Responsibility at University of Roehampton; Summerhall, Edinburgh; Faculty of Fine Art, Music and Design and Medical Faculty UiB Joint Seminar; Musicology with Borders, Bergen; Grieg Academy Artistic Research Forum, University of Bergen; University Research (Health) Annual conference, Oslo Norway; Medical Imaginaries: Postcoloniality and Gender in the Medical Humanities, Bergen; Nordic Network for Gender, Body and Health, Bergen; Dance, Movement, Music and Health: The Elderly, University of Trondheim, Norway; The Final Chapter Festival, Bergen.



Hampton Theatre_V01 Low Res




Useful Links: 

Therapy Today Magazine – read the cover story article online. Written by Beatrice Allegranti this offers the film as a a way of engaging with embodied psychotherapy and dementia and includes reviews from professionals in dementia and psychotherapy. Download the pdf here: ICFM Magazine Article TTMar16

Rami Bartholdi – Cinematographer

Sarah Lam – see photos capturing the rehearsal process

Jill Halstead – the film’s composer and professor of interdisciplinary music at the University of Bergen

Dementia Pathfinders – Ongoing project partners, where the film is used as a resource for professional and family carers

Bergen International Festival – where the film has been screened in Norway on several occasions

Centre for Arts Therapies Research – Beatrice Allegranti inaugurated and directed this research centre 2011-2017

Olympic Cinema – the film’s UK premier was at this iconic London venue

NCreative – the film’s co-producer