I Can’t Find Myself
“Though short, it takes us on a rich journey of the senses and leaves a profound impression on the audience, conveying the truth that dementia touches us in body, soul and spirit, and not just in mind. The film packs an emotional punch: it does not hide the pain and distress that can be caused, but offers hope in showing glimpses of the warmth and connection that remain. I Can’t Find Myself is multi-layered, skillfully using several art forms to spark reflection on many levels, enabling exploration of the complex facets of life with dementia”. Julia Burton Jones, Dementia Pathfinders
I Can’t Find Myself is another new international collaboration between the creative feminist duo – Beatrice Allegranti and Jill Halstead. This short film, released this year, explores the experience of dementia. The aim of the film is to create a wider understanding of people living with dementia and how engagement with the entangled relationship between dance and music can enhance kinesthetic and affective responses – not only for those who live with dementia but also, crucially, for their carers.
Following Allegranti’s established creative methodology, the film and soundscore is based on collaborative fieldwork and interviews – undertaken in the UK and in Norway – with people who live with dementia and their carers – from a variety of cultural backgrounds. Through the use of dance theatre and music, the film takes the audience on one woman’s powerful and evocative journey highlighting the emotional, kinesthethic and sonic world of memory, love and loss.
International screenings will be in arts venues and festivals and specifically targeted for people employed in services that impact on people with dementia (e.g. care home and domiciliary care staff, trainee mental health nurses, emergency services staff, hospital A&E staff, retail providers).
Directed & Produced by: Beatrice Allegranti
Co-Producer: Neil Max Emmanuel
Music: Jill Halstead
Choreography Made in Collaboration with: Beatrice Allegranti and the cast
Cast: Sarah Lam (actress); Luke Birch (Dancer); Layla Smith (dancer); Geoffery Unkovich (dancer); Aneta Zwierzynska (dancer)
Project Manager: Barbara Christians
Director of Photography: Rami Barthody
Film Editor: Arturo Calvete
Costume and Set Design: Samantha Dowson
Hair and Make up: Maxine Hughes
Production Photography: Sarah Lam; Joanne Jennard; Jason Read
Transcription: Abbie Carter
Graphics and Design: NCreative
Funding & Partnerships: The University of Roehampton, Department of Psychology and Centre for Arts Therapies Research UK; The Grieg Academy of Music – Unit for Music Therapy, Bergen; the University of Manchester; the University of Leeds, School of Healthcare; The Alzheimer’s Society UK; Nettverket Musikk og Eldre (Network for Music and the Elderly), Norway; The National Theatre, London; The Orange Tree Theatre, Richmond; Dementia Pathfinders at Sadler’s Wells; Olympic Studios Cinema, London; Bergen International Festival.
Sarah Lam – see photos capturing the rehearsal process
Jill Halstead – the film’s composer
Dementia Pathfinders – Ongoing project partners
Bergen International Festival - where the film was screened in Norway
Centre for Arts Therapies Research - Beatrice Allegranti directs this centre
Olympic Cinema – the film’s UK premier was here